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Saturday, June 4, 2016

Every adventure should have a lesson

And my last one stitching involved and no stitching has been going on this week, but it will start again soon.

Anyways, last fall my girls decided we needed to do something together that would make us happy.  So we decided to do the BoulderBolder as a family with  my sister Linda, and her son and daughter-in-law.  I invited my brother and his wife and son to join us and then my parents decided they would come for the weekend (not walk).  Then my youngest sister and her daughter decided to join us as well and then my sister Linda decided to invite my sister Carol's husband (she passed away last August) to come as well........

So the plans started - too bad I wasn't actually training as well, but that is another discussion for another day.

We started out Saturday with going to see the Colorado Rockies play the San Fransisco Giants.  We took up almost two full rows.  My brother and his wife are big Giant fans, my sister a Rockies fan, the rest of us rooted for whom ever we wanted because we are all Tiger fans LOL.  The Giants beat the heck out of the Rockies - who I think actually left before the game ended because they sure weren't playing.  But the food was good - who doesn't love ballpark food?  Nachos, beer, cotton candy, snow cones, but what I missed the hot dogs????  Well that's OK because it wouldn't have been a Chicago Cub dog or Detroit dog, so I'm OK with missing it.  And of course, who doesn't LOVE the 7th inning stretch?  We all ended up with hats (which were way over priced) before it was all said and done.  Had a great time.

Sunday was dinner with everyone at my niece's condo's club house.  The kids got to go swimming and of course hot tubbing (which I say kids, my kids are in their 30's so they aren't really little anymore).  Sorry no pictures.  I got Dreamland BBQ delivered so we won't have to do a lot of cooking and could spend time enjoying each other.  So we had ribs, slaw, pork and chicken sandwiches along with grilled veggies.  It was so nice to have time to talk to people and catch up on all of our lives.

Monday was the big walk!!  10K - 6.2 miles!!!  I used to do it in my sleep, so while I knew I wasn't in "shape" for the walk, decided I could still do it.  So we all met up and hopped a bus to the starting point.  We arranged for us all to be in the same wave, but knew we wouldn't actually stay together.  My brother walks and runs all the time, as well as my nephew and his wife.  My sister Linda walks in the mountains almost daily with her dog, and my sister Annie - walks around well that is another story for another day - lets just say I tried to do at least a mile every day.

Oh before I get to this last part, did I mention that my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend to our family gathering?????  Now in my brain I know that he needs to move on, and that having another person in his life would happen sooner rather than later...... so on to walk

About midway through the walk I all of sudden broke down and just couldn't stop crying.  So I sent my sisters on and I found a spot where I sat down and cried my eyes out.  I learned that I really wasn't ready to see my b-i-l moving on, I so totally miss my sister and felt his actions was so inappropriate, this was to celebrate my sister and our daughter's life.  I was peeved at my sister for inviting him, I was more peeved at him for coming with his new girlfriend.  Note, his kids aren't happy with the new girlfriend either.  And I totally hated myself for crying in public, I am not a public crier.  I must admit there were many wonderful people as I would work up the courage to walk on - even had a nurse walk with me to make sure I was OK.  

Needless to say, sitting down several times for 15 minutes or more, didn't help me finish the walk.  I think there were 3 or 4 people behind me, but to be honest, they were walking with canes and probably were a good 10 years older than me.  I didn't finish the walk, but only because they closed the road to walkers, and then they were closing sidewalks as the professional runners ran by and I would have had to go about 1/4 of mile around the closed area, and I just didn't have that in me.  Thought of falling in behind the professional runners, but decided, why show them up????

I was within a block of the finish line.  All in all I walked 7 miles, so I made my 10K.  I texted my sister to say I was OK, and they should go on without that I would make my way back to her house.  Apparently they already had because the next text i got was my Dad was mad at them for leaving me behind.  She asked me where I was, I told her how in the world would I know?  I lived in California, NOT Boulder, but I really wasn't too worried, I had cab or bus fare home if needed and my cellphone, so I knew I'd be OK.  I didn't know I was so close to the finish line until my daughters and nephew walked back to find me when they re-opened the sidewalks.  We walked back about 1/4 mile to where my niece picked us up and took us to my sister's house.

I really enjoyed seeing my parents, my sisters, my girls, my granddaughter (who come home with me) and my nieces and nephew.   But I know that I'm not done grieving yet, but I'm better than I was, while my heart will never be whole again, it's not broken anymore.  I'm going to let myself be sad when I want, I'm going to stop trying to "get over" being sad, being sad is OK, its part of the healing process.  The cry really did me a world of good, I didn't realize how much I was holding it all in, I guess when exhaustion hit me, so did the tears.  Also learned that I can't cry and walk at the same time,  this sea level gal, just didn't have enough oxygen in her lungs to do both.

I told my sister and Dad at dinner that I'm OK, I'm just out of balance in my life, I've been going from one stressful situation to another.  I need to re-center myself and I think my stitching will help me as well as quality time with my granddaughter.  While I have 4 grandkids, she is special, she is my connection to my daughter, she is my heart beat.

So now I'm planning a summer with my granddaughter.  Stitching is involved!!  Sewing is involved!! and lots of hugs.  Speaking of stitching I need to go and get her canvas on stretcher bars so we can start her project for her auntie.  Yep, I'm starting her out right!!   Right now she is out playing with our neighbor's kids, and I'm sure having a great time.  We'll stay up late again and play the rest of our Big Fish game and then tomorrow will get her some water wings and snacks.  Also signing her up for a class at the community college.

Next time there will be stitching......



  1. Which big fish game are you playing? I used to play a ton of them. I never did the boulderbolder even though I grew up in Denver. I'm glad you had fun and felt better after the crying session. I'm not a big crier so when I do it's an all or nothing jag and I feel so much better after. I still find myself crying over my grandparents and I lost them in the late 90s. Just keep telling yourself you need time to heal. Hugs!

  2. Heather, we played House of 1,000 doors. We've been playing these games since she was about 3. It's our thing and at 8 she's gotten quite good at playing (better than me). Thanks for the kind words.


  3. My sister passed away unexpectedly 5 years ago and my brother-in-law was remarried within less than 2 years. I felt it was too soon (as did his kids) but for me, he probably could have waited 5 or 10 years and I would still think it was too soon. So sorry for your loss! Hugs and prayers!